O, death, where is your sting?

1st John 5:16-17 says "If anyone sees his brother commit a sin that does not lead to death, he should pray and God will give him life. I refer to those whose sin does not lead to death...All wrongdoing is sin, and there is sin that does not lead to death." 

I had made a note in my Bible asking "Like what?" and for years had been irritated by my lack of understanding. Today in church, God spoke Truth and this was finally clarified in my mind. I am so grateful for the light of understanding! The pastor reiterated the context of 1st John, that it is a book written not to show how to become a Christian but rather what your life should look like if you are a Christian. Working from there, he pointed out that John is saying for a Christian--one who is a believer in Christ as Savior--sin no longer leads to death. When a believer sins, it leads him/her to the Cross over and over and over. 

After a truth-filled sermon, we ended the morning with a baptism. There are few things which bring me to tears each time I consider them, but baptism is one of them. What a beautiful and literal picture of our salvation. Through baptism we identify with Christ's burial, and most importantly, His resurrection. I absolutely love the celebration when the person comes up out of the water. How wonderful that we can truly rejoice in new life NOW! We do not have to wait for His return to experience this new life. 

I'll close with lyrics from one of the songs we sang this morning. I love the strong declaration of Truth and exhortation to the Church to stand up and live with Christ! 

Christ is Risen, by Matt Maher

Christ is risen from the dead, trampling over death by death

Come awake, come awake, come and rise up from the grave!

Christ is risen from the dead, we are one with him again

Come awake, come awake, come and rise up from the grave!

Oh, death, where is your sting? 

Oh, hell, where is your victory? 

Oh, church, come stand in the light!

Our God is not dead, he's alive, he's ALIVE!

A little scattered...

There are many things which have crossed my mind to blog about....but without a computer at my fingertips all the time, I get distracted and my passion fizzles. I had a good one on singleness and virginity, a quippy one about the Old Testament plagues and my apartment, and plenty of opinions about everything...but alas. Instead you simply get what's currently on my mind.

Earlier this week, I was up on the 95th floor of the Hancock building and my friend commented about how weird it is that I live in Chicago--I'm one of the people bustling about the city. When I think about how high up we were and how little the people looked, it is weird to think about. But when I'm down on the streets, either walking or driving, Chicago doesn't feel big. I'm glad about that--I don't like feeling intimidated or frightened. If I get turned around, I can figure out where I am and where I need to be.

And on a side-note, walking on the sidewalk isn't hazardous to your health like it is in China. Here, they don't pave the walkway with slick marble tiles. There aren't exploding tiles after it rains. There aren't unmarked holes into which you can fall up to your thigh. Things are relatively flat, level, and the people all walk at relatively the same brisk speed (no getting stuck behind slow-pokes!).

There are still days when I miss China. But mostly I'm still getting adjusted to life in this city. I'm thoroughly enjoying my long vacation, but looking forward to not only starting my new job but also getting a paycheck!!

Moving, moving, moving!

Sorry for my lack of posting. I recently moved to Chicago, and it's been quite a whirlwind past two weeks! Quick update: Got back from China (I am SO done with international flights), 4 days later went to Chicago to apartment-hunt (found one!), 3 days after that I bought a car (lots of annoying things went wrong with that, but it's all good now!), and 5 days after that, I moved in!! I've lived in my new apartment for a week now, and it's starting to feel like home. It will feel even more so once I have all the boxes OUT and all my pretty things hung and displayed and everything put where it belongs.

More later!

Some Reflections on Leaving

I don't have an official count-down because that makes it all too real. I keep finding myself thinking as if I'm returning to China in August. But no, I have a one-way ticket this time. The best mental image I can think of to describe how I'm feeling right now is of a cat sliding off a tin roof. Feet scrambling and claws digging desperately to stop the fall. Or at least slow the fall.

It's not that I'm not happy about what's next. I really am looking forward to living and working in Chicago. I have no doubt that's where God is leading me. But I simply cannot feel excited about what's next. Not yet. There are still too many people, places, pets, routines, and foods to grieve. I have to say goodbye completely before I can move on the next emotional stage.

That's what I've been working on today. I have a list of people I work/live/worship with here in China, and I've begun writing letters to them. Some letters made me smile, because I was thinking about funny memories and sweet times together. Other letters made me cry, because I was thinking about the relationship holes they will leave. This is certainly not a fun or easy process. But it is necessary. Not only for me, but for them. They deserve to know the difference they have made in my life. They deserve to be thanked for their love and friendship.

Leaving China is about 1000% harder than leaving America. When I left America, I knew I'd be back for summers at least. I wasn't saying a permanent goodbye to my friends and family. I was saying a long-term see you later! I'll miss you! In reversing my trip, I'm saying goodbye, See you in eternity! to my China friends and family. Saying goodbye to people, knowing you may never see them again on this earth, truly is a grieving process.

再见中国 {On Leaving China}

July, 2007. Detroit--DC--Beijing--Chengdu. Jet-lag so bad, I was sick to my stomach. Never been so excited to see Gatorade and Ritz crackers.

Everything was new, and everything stayed 'new' for a long time. The food, the people, the apartment, the job, the language, the culture, the community. It was hard, it was fun, I cried, I laughed, I learned.

May 2012. Almost 5 years later, and many things are still 'new'. But most things are old, familiar, comfortable. Speaking to a taxi driver, I forget I'm speaking Chinese. I crave dishes that used to make me sick for days. I occasionally find myself spitting in public, and praying I'll stop doing that when I leave China!

The time has come for me to return to the States. It was not an easy decision. I need people to understand that I'm not leaving China because I'm sick of it.  Of course there are days when I could hop on a plane and get out of here. But most days, this is home. 

The decision was made because I knew God was gently nudging me out of this country. God's been doing a lot of work in my life, so it's a long story. But I'd love to share it with you.  It's a story full of God's Providence, so I've put a big P each time it's relevant. {for those who can't handle long posts, skip to the end for a summary}

One night about two years ago, I couldn't sleep P because I was suddenly filled with a passion and desire to return home and 'help people'. At first, the idea was to start a tutoring or educational assistance business of some sort. I had many ideas, but no clue how to begin. Or when. Or where. All I could do was pray and wait.

This past summer (2011), God began morphing my dream. For my mom's birthday, we went to a Chinese buffet. While there, I met Chen Li Ping, P a 20-something girl who spoke Mandarin and restaurant English. She was elated when I spoke to her in Chinese, and asked me to give her an English name. My parents helped me name her Lily. That evening, I began to think how frustrating it must be for her to have lived in America for years, and still not know the language. How does she manage? Who helps her? Who supports her? Does she have American friends?

Later in the summer, I went to Chicago to visit some friends. While there, we drove through Chinatown. I had my face pressed against the window, marveling at the fact that I was in America, yet all the signs were in Chinese. P Chinatown felt like me--American, but also very much Chinese. It felt like home. This is when I began to realize what God was doing in my heart.

Through those two random events, He was developing a burden for Chinese immigrants. I have lived in China all these years, and have often wondered, Why China? Why couldn't I be teaching anywhere else? He has used my years here in China to give me a better understanding of what it means to be a 外国人--an outsider. P I know what it's like to feel stupid all the time, to not even know how to buy shampoo without squeezing some out of the bottle.

I came back to China in August, set on this being my last year. I still had no clue where He was leading me to next, I just knew it had to be where Chinese immigrants are. I began praying, asking God to show me what's next.

In November, He gave me the next step. I took a personal day to pray and finalize my decision to not sign another contract with my school here in China. During the day, I called a friend back home for some advice and prayer. While explaining to her what God had laid on my heart, she mentioned that while in Chicago over the weekend, she had driven past a Chinese Christian school. P I immediately Googled it and found Pui Tak Christian School. I read through their website, and when I read their mission and history, I started bawling. It put into words everything God had given me a heart to do. P

Still, I had nothing to do at the moment. Schools don't start hiring in November! But I knew that Pui Tak was the place God was leading me to, and so I would wait.

On Christmas Eve 2011, I flew into Chicago. One of my friends from home lives there and was willing to pick me up and drive me home, but we had to go to his church's Christmas eve service first. On the way there, I told him that I was moving home (hence the three heavy bags!!) and how God was leading me to Pui Tak. It just so happened that a friend of his--who would be at the service that evening--works at Pui Tak! P I was able to meet Winnie and ask her some questions and get some contact emails at the school.

After Christmas break, I contacted some people at Pui Tak. I briefly explained what God was doing in my life and inquired about position openings. I was told to send my resume in May, when they would know what positions would be open. The door was still open, but I was back to waiting.

In late February, the principal contacted me saying, "We have a preschool position open for next year. Are you interested?" YES!!!!!!!! Within a month, I had applied for the job, completed 2 skype interviews, and on March 21, I got the job! P

(For those of you who read the whole thing, take a breather. Blink a few times. Maybe stretch a bit.)

To summarize,
1. God gave me a burden for Chinese immigrants.
2. God directed me to leave China...
3. A few months later, He pointed me towards Pui Tak in Chicago
4. A few months later, He introduced me to Winnie, a Pui Tak employee
5. A few months later, the principal offered me a job
6. A few weeks later, I signed a contract to teach preschool!
7. God is faithful and sovereign. He invited me to join His work at Pui Tak, I obeyed, and He has affirmed my obedience over and over and over.
8. I am so thankful to serve such a cool God!

One-Child Policy

This week, I saw first-hand the effects of China's one-child policy. It wasn't pretty.

Last Friday, one of my Chinese friends told me she's pregnant. I was happy for her, but she was obviously troubled. This was not planned, because it would mean her second child. She was nervous because her husband, who is out of town more often than not, told her that he didn't support her in the pregnancy and wanted her to get an abortion. She cried as she told me how she knows this is a life, and that it is a gift, but that she doesn't know what to do.

On Saturday, she sent me an email telling me that she checked with the local government. To have this child would require a 100,000 rmb fine ($16,000), and the child would not be guaranteed an identity. This means the child may not qualify for education, social insurance, etc. which means no security in the future. Because of this information, and the instability of her husband's job, she told me she was planning to get an abortion.

My friend aborted her baby on Monday morning. I felt sick all day long.

Before, abortion was a very cut-and-dry issue for me. After seeing my friend go through this trauma, I realize it's not so easy. Let me say this--I believe to my core that abortion is wrong. But I realize now my lack of compassion and sensitivity to the people who are put into the situation where they must choose. To me, as a young single woman, it is a simple choice. But to my Chinese friend, it was not simple. She understood the moral/ethical situation, but she also had to consider factors of marriage, family, finances, and future repercussions. Though there was a right or wrong choice, neither one was easy.

As I thought about my friend and how I might respond to her when I see her again, the Holy Spirit brought to mind the New Testament story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well. In that story, Jesus approached the woman and asked her for water. He proceeded to tell her about the Living Water. When He inquired about her husband, she told him she didn't have one. "I know. You have FIVE husbands." She was shocked! Not only did this Man know her past, but He loved her anyway. She did not confess, nor did she deny. He simply spoke Truth, and invited her into His love.

I see my friend as this woman. My friend knows her sin, my friend knows that Jesus knows her sin, and what I pray desperately is that my friend knows Jesus loves her anyway.

If you think of it in the coming weeks, please pray for my friend. Pray that God would use this horrible situation to draw her to Himself. She knows about Truth, but she has not yet accepted it for herself. Pray that God would use me to speak love and forgiveness to her heart.

Jesus, you are the Master at bringing life out of death. Only you can accomplish something beautiful out of something so sinfully dark.

Spring Breaking

Spring Break has begun! I went shopping at the import store last night to splurge on some treats since I'm staying home for the week. We got a heavy spring rain, including lightning, so I thought "joy. spring break is going to be wet and rainy and dreary. ugh." Then, I woke up to sunshine and warm weather and the fountains in my complex turned on. What a beautiful way to start the break!

To help me remember the joys of my last spring break in China, I decided to keep a log of all the things I do and see that make this a great spring break. Here's the list so far (and it's not even been 24 hours of break yet!)

1. Fruity Pebbles, bagels, and Cheese Puffs
2. Sunshine on Saturday
3. Finished reading Deadly by Julie Chibbaro. It's about Typhoid Mary.
4. Practiced snare drum rudiments. It feels so good to hold a pair of sticks again! And to actually play.
5. Downloaded a bunch of new music from Google Music. I have to take full advantage of this before I return to the States and have to pay for all my music again!
6. Long walk around Xipu (the town where I live) in the sunshine.
7. Spicy fried rice at the market
8. Pizza with friends
9. Palm Sunday
10. Sanded some wood for a painting project (will we finish over break? ...probably not)
11. Read in the sunshine in my windowsill with my cat :)
12. Cookie dough!
13. Papa Johns, mango frappe, and shopping downtown.
14. Snuggled with my kitty and finished reading Forge by Laurie Halse Anderson
15. 4 movies and sorting through a bunch of my stuff (what to sell, what to keep?!)
16. Sunshine every day so far! (It's currently Wednesday evening)
17. Sorted through, price labeled, and organized a bunch of stuff in my classroom
18. Walked home in the sunshine
19. Finished reading The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Bedder. It's a twist on the Alice story...it's really good! Can't wait to read the next book!\
20. Shopping at the River Market (bought a table runner, scarf, earrings, and a jewelry box!)
21. Dinner at Peter's with friends
22. Psych marathon with cookies & knitting! :)
23. Indian food (yummmm)
24. TV night at the Campbell's (finally, Deandre is gone from American Idol!)
25. A lazy Saturday watching the Dick Van Dyke show and working on grades
26. Finished reading Gregor the Overlander by Suzanne Collins
27. Big International Fellowship meeting for Easter--He is Risen!
28. Dyed eggs with Bethany (and then Joe pulled the container onto the floor and cracked them all!)
29. Ate pizza (courtesy of Bethany) and watched Grimm
30. Cleaned (doesn't sound fun, but it is my de-stress mechanism, so it always feels good.)

And that was my Spring Break!

Discerning the Lies

Those of you who know me know that I am an opinionated person. Recently I've been thinking about this and about sharing my opinions, especially in regards to matters of Truth. Truth (note the capital T) is not an opinion. Truth cannot be altered, changed, or ignored. Truth, as set by an all-knowing, all-loving, all-wise Sovereign Holy God, is the bottom line. And He graciously gave us a direct line to knowing Truth--His Word.

In my recent travels, I spent some time at an airport bookstore. I picked up Rob Bell's book, Love Wins and began reading the first chapter. I barely got 2 pages in before he began to morph Truth into his own twisted interpretation. I felt myself getting nauseated and my heart rate increased as my disbelief turned to anger. I can understand how an unbeliever can misconstrue heavy Truth--an unbeliever does not have the Holy Spirit to give understanding. I cannot, however, tolerate a redeemed believer who purposefully and intentionally twists the Truth of God's Word in order to be more popular with and accepted by the general public. Feeding twisted morsels of truth in order to draw them to the Savior is NOT how Christ intended His message to be spread.

Now, I will admit that I have not (yet) read the whole book. So, my beef right now is simply with Bell's assertion that God--as a loving God-- could not possibly have planned for all the unredeemed to suffer eternity in hell. Are we reading the same Bible, Mr. Bell? Is yours missing the entire book of Romans? God is indeed a loving God--He in fact IS love! But God is also a holy God, a just God, a God whose character and position cannot tolerate wickedness--it is an affront to His very nature. Because many people choose to ignore His love and forgiveness given through Christ on the cross, they choose the only other option--separation from this God who loves His children so much He allows them to CHOOSE. (This could lead me down another road to the discussion of Free Will and Predestination, but I've already touched on that once. Go here to read on that matter)

To return to the beginning, one of the things I realized today is that I do not have to stifle the Truth. I am grateful for the gift of the Holy Spirit who gives me wisdom and the ability to discern Truth, as well as root out lies. And because that is no gray matter, I do not need to offer it up as my "opinion", so as to soften the blow for those who do not agree. Truth = Truth. Anything else is a perversion and deserves to be called out as such.

Xin Nian Kuai Le! (Happy New Year!)

For those who haven't heard yet, I am planning to move back to the States after this school year. It's not because I don't like China or am sick of it or anything like that. In fact, the decision to move back to the States is harder than the decision to come to China was. Coming to China, I had a job and a place to live and an established community. Currently, I have passed up the chance to renew a contract here in China, but don't yet have a job in the States. To think that I don't yet have anything to return to makes me feel strangely...naked. My security has been stripped away, and I'm stepping out wearing only faith in a God who has promised to provide as I follow Him.

I have a plan, but nothing set in stone. A few years ago, God placed on my heart a dream to open some sort of educational business. Over the years, He has molded my heart and morphed the dream to focus more on people living as foreigners in America--specifically, Chinese immigrants and their children. After living in China for 4.5 years, I know how it feels to try to learn a new language and culture...I know what it's like to feel stupid all the time, no matter how hard you work to adjust. I want to help people going through this same exasperating transition.

Currently, my radar is set on Chicago. There is an organization already established there whose mission is to serve Chinese immigrant families and share the Gospel with them. I'll keep you posted on how that pans out.

In other news, my New Year's Resolution is food-related. I love that the Holy Spirit doesn't just stick to the realm of my "spiritual life". My whole life is His, so He has the right to convict in whatever darn area He chooses! Recently, He has been convicting me in regards to my sugar addiction. My resolution is to exercise and tone my self-discipline muscles, which have become quite flabby (along with some other literal muscles!!)

Last thought from one of the books I'm currently reading. (Surrender by Nancy Leigh DeMoss) In one chapter she is discussing the idea of a bond slave, one who would choose to submit his entire lifetime to his master. In discussing the shift in the church from "full surrender" to "commitment" she quotes Josef Tson. "Translators (of the Bible) did not like the term "bondslave" to be applied to people. Who wants to be somebody else's slave? Therefore, they replaced it with "servant." Again, a reflection and demand of the independent spirit! In the Greek, "slave" is doulos; a "servant" is diakonos. In the Greek Bible one never, never diakoneo to God--one never serves God; one only duoleo to God--that is, one slaves to God." (pg. 71-72) 

Here's to a year of learning to truly duoleo!