this darn mouth

For most of my life (since I could talk, I'm sure), my mouth has gotten me into trouble. I have worked hard over the years to be more disciplined in what and how much I say, but as James says, "no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

My poisonous tongue became a source of conviction for me twice over this past weekend.

First, I was riding my scooter on my way to Fellowship on Sunday morning. I was singing a praise song to get my heart prepared for the service when I came up behind a bicyclist who was not only riding slowly, but also not really on either side of the path, making it very difficult to pass her. I honked my horn (she didn't move), I laid on my horn a bit more (still nothing from her), and then finally as I squeezed past I yelled at her, "MOVE!" Without missing a beat I started singing again, "It's all about you, Jesus!" But before I could finish the phrase, I had to stop.

"Really, Catie?" the Holy Spirit said to my heart. "Really? You can scream impatiently at a stranger and sing praise to me all in the same breath?" I was totally convicted. I might not be the only foreigner she crosses paths with, but I am sure to be the one she remembers...not fondly, either. What if I am the only picture of Christ she ever sees? What a terrible reflection of Him I was in that moment. I was reminded of the verse, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." When I took time to think about what flows out of my mouth, it broke me to think what must be filling my heart.

The second also came on Sunday, when I was thinking about my students. This moment makes my blog live up to it's name: "Teaching to Learn". This last week at school was a frustrating one for me. I felt like the good beginning we had was slipping away, and I was getting irritated with my students. I know there were moments where I spoke in ways that were not gracious or compassionate or loving. There were words said which were not ones Christ Himself would have spoken. And again I was utterly convicted.

There is nothing more humbling than apologizing to a group of fifteen 6-7-year-olds. But I knew that is what I needed to do, and I knew that was the only way to right what I had done wrong. If I did not set a good example last week in my attitude and the words I spoke, I needed to set a good example this week in making amends, admitting I was wrong, and seeking to improve.

I leave you with one of my life verses, Psalm 19:14
"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Inspiration without direction

I just watched the movie "Julie & Julia" with some wonderful friends, and I find myself feeling rather motivated to be a better blogger. Julie was a faithful blogger, blogging daily about the recipes she was cooking from Julia Child's book. I want to be a more faithful blogger. I have 15 readers (almost double what I had 2 months ago!), and I would love to have a blog which interests more to become followers. I certainly have plenty to say.

But what will my topic be? So far, it's just been whatever sits on my brain long enough or happens to be in my mind when I sit down to write. There's no direction. There's no goal. There's no purpose. I just write whatever is the current whim, and hope someone reads it. I rejoice if someone comments! I jump for joy (internally) when I see I have a new follower!

So here I am. Filled with inspiration and desire, but lacking the direction.

You'll just have to keep coming back to see where I go next.

1st Grade Round 2

I am in my 5th year at my school here in China, but only my second year teaching 1st grade. Last year, I had a whopping total of 5 students at the beginning of the year. This year, I already have 16 with at least one more potential student! With 9 boys and 7 girls, they keep me on my toes! I am excited about working with them...I am sure that we will have lots of fun and learn lots of things! It does take some mental adjustment, though. With 5, we were like a little family. With 16...we're like a giant crazy family. After the first 6 days of school, I felt like we had been through 6 weeks!

Praise the Lord, though, for a growing school and a great group of kiddos!

Brain Tired

I've tried to explain to some why it's so much more tiring to live in China than in the States. Today I have a perfect example of why.

I spent the entire 10/15-minute scooter ride home figuring out what I was going to say at the restaurant to order my dinner.

Step 1: Figure out what I want to say, in English.
Step 2: Re-arrange it into Chinese grammar.
Step 3: Translate it into Chinese. Try to remember the words for things you don't often use.
Step 4: Practice saying it in your head to see if it makes sense.
Step 5: Practice saying it out loud to see if it's understandable.
Step 6: Go for it!

self-reflection

Deep thought for the night.

I'm pretty sure that I come off as a bubbly, loud, sometimes obnoxious person.

But that's not all I am. I go much deeper. So why don't I often show this deeper side?

I think I'm afraid that my seriousness is the part of me no one will take seriously.

1111

Just checked my stats on my blog (I kind of do that a lot...) and noticed that I have 1,111 page hits in my all-time history.

Just thought I'd document this momentous occasion.

;)

Since I Been Gone

There are a few random things running through my mind, and so this will be a rather disjointed post. 

I arrived back in Chengdu on Sunday afternoon, after about 34 hours of travel. Ick. It wasn't terrible, but I can't highly recommend spending 9 hours in the Beijing airport. But my luggage and I made it safe and sound.

Jet lag this time around has meant not sleeping through the night. I woke up 4-5 hours after falling asleep, stayed awake for a couple of hours, and then fell back to sleep. Last night was the first full night of sleep, which was a good start to the new school year!

In China, our fruit is all seasonal. Strawberries are in season during February, and a long time ago I froze a bunch of strawberries with the intention of making smoothies in the summer. (Who craves smoothies in February?!) I decided to make one the day after arriving back in China, and received an un-welcome-back surprise when I opened my blender. It was moldy. And had a cockroach leg stuck to the bottom of it, as you can see here:

After soaking in bleach and being scrubbed, it was as good as new and I enjoyed a strawberry-peach-yogurt smoothie and a good book. Very refreshing!

When I opened my iTunes tonight, I randomly chose to start with a BarlowGirl song called "Here's My Life." The lyrics are very poignant, especially for where I am at in life.  Be blessed!

Once again I said my goodbyes
To those who I love most
My heart feels that familiar pain
As I long for home
'Cause this road is hard
When I feel so far

God I'm crying out tonight
'Cause I've given You my life
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind
So once more here's my life

On the day that You called my name
All that I knew changed
I found when I said yes that I'd never be the same
Though the call is hard
You are worth it all

Even when the tears are falling
When I find I fear the calling
You remind me
Words You've spoken over my life
Promises I've yet to see
You comfort me