this darn mouth

For most of my life (since I could talk, I'm sure), my mouth has gotten me into trouble. I have worked hard over the years to be more disciplined in what and how much I say, but as James says, "no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

My poisonous tongue became a source of conviction for me twice over this past weekend.

First, I was riding my scooter on my way to Fellowship on Sunday morning. I was singing a praise song to get my heart prepared for the service when I came up behind a bicyclist who was not only riding slowly, but also not really on either side of the path, making it very difficult to pass her. I honked my horn (she didn't move), I laid on my horn a bit more (still nothing from her), and then finally as I squeezed past I yelled at her, "MOVE!" Without missing a beat I started singing again, "It's all about you, Jesus!" But before I could finish the phrase, I had to stop.

"Really, Catie?" the Holy Spirit said to my heart. "Really? You can scream impatiently at a stranger and sing praise to me all in the same breath?" I was totally convicted. I might not be the only foreigner she crosses paths with, but I am sure to be the one she remembers...not fondly, either. What if I am the only picture of Christ she ever sees? What a terrible reflection of Him I was in that moment. I was reminded of the verse, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." When I took time to think about what flows out of my mouth, it broke me to think what must be filling my heart.

The second also came on Sunday, when I was thinking about my students. This moment makes my blog live up to it's name: "Teaching to Learn". This last week at school was a frustrating one for me. I felt like the good beginning we had was slipping away, and I was getting irritated with my students. I know there were moments where I spoke in ways that were not gracious or compassionate or loving. There were words said which were not ones Christ Himself would have spoken. And again I was utterly convicted.

There is nothing more humbling than apologizing to a group of fifteen 6-7-year-olds. But I knew that is what I needed to do, and I knew that was the only way to right what I had done wrong. If I did not set a good example last week in my attitude and the words I spoke, I needed to set a good example this week in making amends, admitting I was wrong, and seeking to improve.

I leave you with one of my life verses, Psalm 19:14
"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."